For a few years now it has been a tradition that my sister and I give each other’s kids “coupons” to an indoor activity center for Christmas which gives us something to do during Christmas vacation that is fun for them with lots of physical activity. Yesterday was the day to redeem and this year my sister and I traded off watching the kids while the other ran an errand/got something done.
So it was kind of a quiet time for me, watching the kids, and doing a little thinking – too distracting to try and read. I was watching a teeny 16 month old boy walking around like a pro with great delight and it occurred to me that I couldn’t remember my children (now 4 and 6) ever being that small. But of course they were and of course they were even smaller than that! It really all goes by so fast and as you get older, even faster (Pragmatic Mom posted about this)! I know they were that small – I have the clothes in the basement to prove it! And I can’t get rid of those clothes yet because as the late Erma Bombeck would say keeping the baby stuff is birth control (if you get rid of the baby stuff you will surely get pregnant)! If my mother heard this she would say then get rid of it! Actually I do keep that stuff just in case. I had wanted a BUNCH of kids especially after I had my first and was so overjoyed with motherhood. I had a cut off of 40 but pregnant at 41 it was only a smidge past my cut-off. It didn’t work out though. I had a miscarriage which was tough especially since it was not a certainty that I would try again.
As I’m getting ready for a new year this all makes me think. I will just come right out with it – I will be 42 soon and I worry about chromosomes. There are other reasons that it is not the most practical thing for me to want but it is so hard to close that door and flat out say no more babies and to move on to the next unofficial phase of life: The ongoing molding of the ones I have (the ones I know I am supremely luck to have) and maybe adding more work hours but with no more little babies of my own to dream of.
Sorry this post is a little sad – but I thought that maybe some of you may relate. I am really not sad anymore – change is just hard sometimes (smiley-face)!