Lately the Doodles and Jots are not flowing so well. You see, I am usually a “life is good” kind of person but lately I am more of a “life is scary” person.
2 weeks ago my lip started twitching. The next day my arms felt dead. The day after that my arms and hands felt clumsy and like I had tourniquets wrapped around them. That was when I got scared and went to the emergency room and got Ativan plus Lyme and metabolic tests (all negative). Next came these same symptoms in my legs plus some numbness in my in my hands and feet, twitching, tingling and painful burning in my left forearm and shins. Then came my primary care doctor and a neurologist. Now I drop things and am afraid of falling especially in public. All these symptoms went away about 80 percent for two days but have come back plus mouth and tongue clumsiness and limb tremors but minus the arm and shin pain. I am waiting on more blood tests and the results of an MRI and in the meantime I am teetering between distracted bravery and sheer terror with sadness. The sheer terror has me today with my new mouth symptoms.
Even though I can talk to my mother and sister and husband I know I am scaring them too. The doctors and my family are telling me not to Google my symptoms. My family is telling me not to worry because it doesn’t help. What else can they say? What else can I do?
- Scaring my children
- Making Christmas for my kids
- Getting my freelance work done
- My sister’s wedding in February
You know what…
I really don’t want anyone to know because I am embarrassed. I normally don’t think about vitality because I have always had it but now everyone has it and I feel less.
I also don’t want people to know because they don’t know what to say and I don’t want to put people in that awkward spot.
And you know what else…
I have had a fear of developing a degenerative illness for a while. Is it because I started having incessant eye twitching 7 years ago or is it a psychic ability or did I cause it to happen with all my worry?
I know Doodles and Jots is not the place for heavy but I also know you care and might worry anyway if you were not seeing things pulled together here in the same way with the same frequency and plus I needed to talk about it and maybe someone could relate.
Whatever happens I think it will only temporarily dampen my “life is good” outlook. I hope. Thanks for listening.
Looking for an update? A little over a year and a half later I got answers.