An update of my symptoms…
It is late but I am having a moment of clarity about how I feel about my symptoms so I think I should try and capture it.
There is nothing I can’t do. Okay I can’t unbutton buttons with my left hand lately but my right gladly fills in. And okay I get tired too fast and from things that shouldn’t make me tired like chewing one bite of food and I don’t like being shaky which I get from everyday physical activity but what really bugs me the most is that my body won’t be quiet! A normal body does what is asked of it within reason with nary a complaint and when you are relaxed it is usually silent. My body is never silent. Just laying here in bed trying to fall asleep, my legs are buzzing, my left arm has pins and needles and a jumpy feeling, my cheeks are tingling and my nose is twitching (which is like a cruel joke because unlike Samantha, nothing magically gets cleaned up as a result of my nose twitch). It is not really painful just super annoying. Sometimes I just want to tell my body to be quiet so I can go to sleep or have a conversation and not be distracted.
Other news? The doctors have run out of tests for me for now. I am paying off my share of the MRI’s and deductibles for visits and tests. And I am taking Zoloft to see if anxiety plays a role in my symptoms. Okay-I-will-play-along is how I feel. Four weeks in and my symptoms are the same only I feel a little more motivation here and there.
Also I don’t like not knowing the cause, I hesitate to say diagnosis, because it seems so permanent, but really at this point I doubt very much a diagnosis will do much more for me than allow me to sub in a name every place I currently write or say my symptoms.
My husband wonders how I am able to tune out the loud wild voices of my kids. I need to learn to reapply this skill and be glad it is not pain I am trying to ignore.